sometimes you should just keep your mouth shut

*RING*

...: Hello?

*wailing from the other side*

...: Hello? Hello? Who is this?

JAMIE: It's me.

...: Me who? Jamie?? What's going on? It's the middle of the night!

JAMIE: I can't do this anymore. I can't pretend to not love you and want to be with you!

...: Seriously Jamie? I can't do this right now. I've got to get up in the morning. We'll talk later.

JAMIE: You're the only girl I've ever considered marrying, you know that? I can't imagine being with anyone else!

...: Well, you don't really have a choice in the matter Jamie. No. NO! I am not going to do this with you. Good night Jamie.

JAMIE: I just took a whole bunch of pills. ...Cyanide pills.

...: Really?

JAMIE: No. But I had a whole bunch of aspirin.

...: Oh God Jamie I'm going to bed.

JAMIE: NO NO NO WAIT! Wait! Just stay and talk with me. For like five minutes. PLEASE!

...: ...

JAMIE: Please?

...: Fine... Five minutes. That's IT!

JAMIE: So... how're you doing?

...: I'm fine.

JAMIE: Your parents good?

...: Of course.

JAMIE: You still with Paul?

*Clip of MAGIC!*

...: Yes James. I am still with Paul.

JAMIE: How is that going?

...: Fine.

JAMIE: Getting married?

...: I don't know. It's only been a couple of months.

JAMIE: Is he good in bed?

...: What?

JAMIE: Is he better than me?

...: Good night Jamie.

JAMIE: Okay fine... Bye. I hope you're happy when I die.