Working in a restaurant

is a terrible experience, although it has its moments. I guess like a lot of things in life I suppose. I wouldn't go as far as to call it "skilled" labor. It's just a job that requires constant attention. It keeps a person busy, but in the same token, it passes the time rather quickly. The main reason I do it is to make money without having to work all day. I'm proud that I can do it well, and all I ask is that people learn how to appreciate it.

Restaurants make money because people get hungry. It's a basic need that people are willing to dish out their livelihood for, no pun intended. People NEED to eat. But they don't need to GO OUT to eat. It's a LUXURY. Someone comes in with options of delicious food that a normal person does not have the luxury of time to cook or clean up after, and you get to sit without doing any work to get food.

Given these facts, it's safe to assume that someone else is doing all the cooking and cleaning for you. So fucking pay for it. And tip the person that's serving you. Tipping is not an OPTION folks. We make minimum wage, and we work at restaurants because we live off of the extra money that you award us for our services.

Okay, sure, you pay for the food itself. Good for you. And that's the POINT of a restaurant. You get food, you pay for it. However, the tip is for the dining experience. There are places like in'n'out, freaking McDonald's if you just want FOOD. It's the extra service that you come in for. If someone gives you a good dining experience wherein you were not left wanting, you show appreciation with money.

Also, being polite to your server is all well and good. But politeness is just a decent thing to do. A given. We cannot pay our phone bill with your pleases and thank yous. I'd rather have a rude customer tip me well, than get a horrible tip from the NICEST people. Because when you leave, it's with a bitter taste in our mouths. And that's what it comes down to. Horrible, but true. Sorry.

Finally, you notice that the more items you buy, the higher your bill goes? That means that us, the servers at your local restaurant are having to do more work for you in order to get you those extra things that you purchase. What does that mean for you? It means... the tip gets higher the higher the bill gets. It's a PERCENTAGE system, people! I do more work the more shit you buy. Therefore, five dollars is not a good tip across the board. The tax goes higher the higher your bill is, just like the tip percentage. Here's a good rule of thumb: 18%. Seems high? THEN DON'T GO OUT TO EAT! YOU COOK AT HOME, IDIOT! IT'S CHEAPER, and I don't want to have to be the one to take the hit for your fat, lazy ASS that doesn't know how to cook!

So there you go. People of America, you have luxuries that you take for granted. Well stop it. Just. Stop it. Before we leave you for a richer, hipper, sexier people of another country. Like, Norwegians. Or Guamanians.