Sex and Laughter

As I write this little entry, I'm watching a little entry. Well, the official HBO title is "Bikini Roundup", and as I have the mute on, I'm kind of taking a guess as to the plotline of this late-night masterpiece. There's a stereotypical wild west town, a girl in a bra top on a horse waving a gun around, and a bunch of surf-type rejects in bandanas and bad cowboy plaid. Oh yeah, and the clueless girls that just had sex with the rejects. Wow. There's not much more I can say that needs to justify this insult to celluloid.

Anyway, the point of this blog is to... oh wait... now the three girls are going to have sex with each other because the bad men are gone now.

Aaaand, back to reality. Sex is funny. It's hilarious. Just a bunch of humping and grinding like mindless creatures that don't seem capable of higher brain functions. With the mute on, and watching hilarious SNL digital clips, it doesn't seem that hard to put sex into perspective. It's a biological pursuit, and oftentimes gets in the way of creative genius. I firmly believe that people would get a lot more productiveness (or productivity) if they spent less time trying to get a little som'n som'n.

At least I guess until the sun comes up. Damn that sun.

Personally personal

I think I figured out the secret to happy personal relationships.

What sparked the desire to demystify (unmystify?) a problem that has been troubling people since the dawn of the "couple"? Well, kind of the fact that I was sick of feeling crappy in my personal relationship(s), and questioning why I felt that way. I guess it always starts with a question.

The answer that dawned on me was not what I expected. When are people in a relationship the most happy about their relationship? When they are not IN a relationship. At least, not yet. The initial period of discovery, of being ecstatic about the other person before the two actually get into a relationship, is when a person is the most caring, unselfish, and loving. Unfortunately, people have a tendency to start feeling entitled when they actually get into the relationship. Why is that? For that answer, we can turn to the undeity himself, Buddha. Buddha had part of the answer: the more that a person receives, the more they want.

People are inherently selfish. Once they start getting what they want from a person, they have a tendency to became complacent and lazy about that person, and start demanding more and more until there is nothing more to be had. Instead of relinquishing all your desires however, which Buddha recommends, it is far more rewarding to control your baser instincts. It's not an easy thing to just let everyone and everything go because it's not in a human being's nature to be alone. However, by allowing yourself the luxuries of having someone special, merged with a sense of deeper emotional control, you can suffer just as much as Buddha would've wanted, but with the reward of a stronger, healthier relationship with your significant other.

So what does this all mean?

Simple. Don't take things personally. There's no rule that says when a person gets into a relationship, he/she belongs to that other person. That's why people break up. There's no guarantees. There's no such thing as "meant to be", and that belief should be left in high school. Avoid the pain by not taking everything personally. Get over yourself. Every moment can be new and special, if you have the self-control and love to keep it that way.

Working in a restaurant

is a terrible experience, although it has its moments. I guess like a lot of things in life I suppose. I wouldn't go as far as to call it "skilled" labor. It's just a job that requires constant attention. It keeps a person busy, but in the same token, it passes the time rather quickly. The main reason I do it is to make money without having to work all day. I'm proud that I can do it well, and all I ask is that people learn how to appreciate it.

Restaurants make money because people get hungry. It's a basic need that people are willing to dish out their livelihood for, no pun intended. People NEED to eat. But they don't need to GO OUT to eat. It's a LUXURY. Someone comes in with options of delicious food that a normal person does not have the luxury of time to cook or clean up after, and you get to sit without doing any work to get food.

Given these facts, it's safe to assume that someone else is doing all the cooking and cleaning for you. So fucking pay for it. And tip the person that's serving you. Tipping is not an OPTION folks. We make minimum wage, and we work at restaurants because we live off of the extra money that you award us for our services.

Okay, sure, you pay for the food itself. Good for you. And that's the POINT of a restaurant. You get food, you pay for it. However, the tip is for the dining experience. There are places like in'n'out, freaking McDonald's if you just want FOOD. It's the extra service that you come in for. If someone gives you a good dining experience wherein you were not left wanting, you show appreciation with money.

Also, being polite to your server is all well and good. But politeness is just a decent thing to do. A given. We cannot pay our phone bill with your pleases and thank yous. I'd rather have a rude customer tip me well, than get a horrible tip from the NICEST people. Because when you leave, it's with a bitter taste in our mouths. And that's what it comes down to. Horrible, but true. Sorry.

Finally, you notice that the more items you buy, the higher your bill goes? That means that us, the servers at your local restaurant are having to do more work for you in order to get you those extra things that you purchase. What does that mean for you? It means... the tip gets higher the higher the bill gets. It's a PERCENTAGE system, people! I do more work the more shit you buy. Therefore, five dollars is not a good tip across the board. The tax goes higher the higher your bill is, just like the tip percentage. Here's a good rule of thumb: 18%. Seems high? THEN DON'T GO OUT TO EAT! YOU COOK AT HOME, IDIOT! IT'S CHEAPER, and I don't want to have to be the one to take the hit for your fat, lazy ASS that doesn't know how to cook!

So there you go. People of America, you have luxuries that you take for granted. Well stop it. Just. Stop it. Before we leave you for a richer, hipper, sexier people of another country. Like, Norwegians. Or Guamanians.